To Believe or Not to Believe... 

    She believed all that her parents told her. They told her that God created the heavens and the earth, and she believed. They told her God parted the Red Sea, and she believed. They advised her to read the Bible every day, and she faithfully obliged. 

    Once in a while, she encountered thoughts in her mind that questioned the truth of it all. Does God really exist? What if all these Bible stories are simply stories? How can I be sure God exists when I have never seen him, heard from him, or felt his touch? Like she was taught by her parents, she prayed daily. Some prayers were answered, and some were not. What if the answered prayers (or so she thought) were mere coincidences? She did not have answers to these questions and sincerely wished to be an obedient child and a devout Christian. So she brushed these thoughts aside and focussed on her work. 

    During holidays, these thoughts would get louder and subside when she was preoccupied with work. Months passed, and it was becoming quite impossible to ignore these thoughts, and she had to face them. She realised that she had to choose to either truly believe or renounce her faith completely. She tried to counter these thoughts, saying, “If God did not exist and the idea of spirituality is totally false, why would many people believe in Him?” The thoughts retorted, “Just because so many people are fooled, would you want to be fooled too?”

   She struggled with these thoughts for days. She was ashamed to share this with anyone else. Then she prayed the following prayer to God:

I don’t know if You exist. I don’t even know whether You are listening to my prayer. I don’t know why I’m praying to You when I can’t believe You exist in the first place. I don’t want to become an atheist. But I have no logical answer that will quench these thoughts and clarify my doubts. Save me! Save me from these thoughts!

    It was then that she began to perceive God in her spirit. Her habitual Bible reading and monotonous prayer life became exciting and invigorating moments of the day. She desired more and more of them. She felt God speaking to her through the words she read from the Bible. 

    Now, she believed not only in God’s existence but also in his love and greatness. There was no supernatural encounter or event. She did not see any vision or literally hear any voice from heaven. But, deep in her spirit, she knew God exists because He had revealed himself to her.